Moodswings

 I feel restless, and moody... I've started getting them mood drops again, so I sent my doc a msg about starting up on lithium again. Thought I'd be fine but apparently not.

Had a bad food period also since the surgery pretty much. Eaten little, and thrown up most of what I have eaten. Checking my weight every time I'm in the bathroom.

I doubt its a relapse though, I've had plenty of bad bulimia periods now that has gone over by itself. It's probably just a part of being functional bulimic lol.

I feel little motivated to do anything. Tired of drawing, tired of pretty much every game I have, and then there's the nerve thing in my fingers that comes and goes on top of it.

How pointless my life is lol. Alone almost 24/7. Disabled and can't do shit. Nobody ever cared about my art, even with over 10 years of work, commitment and... watching people getting thousands of followers within a couple of weeks, people with simpler art styles even. I've lost almost all enjoyment for art now. I've tried to draw just for myself but... what then. Just save it and it getting lost in the memories on my ipad? Its pointless. Even the one thing I felt I could do, I fail at. Why try anymore. I have never, and will never fit into this world. I dont get how people just make it. They make it look easy. Make me feel even more of a lazy fat failure. Now its just.... -------------

I have no purpose. No passion anymore. Nobody needs me, and nobody wants me. I have nothing I can participate with in society, other than just... take.. take people's tax money for my disability payments. Just eat and waste food that other people who actually mattered could have. World would be better without me.