New Contacts

So, time goes. Been home for about a month now.

I kind of miss the nurses back at the hospital. Some more than others. Especially the primary nurse I had from start to finish. I feel like we became quite good friends over the past half year... Sadly, due to restrictions and rules, I'm not allowed to stay in contact with her. But, what did I expect.

I have one single friend IRL that I see every other month or so. Its kind of lonely, but, I'm also used to it so. It was quite a bit of a shock when I just came home again, from being surrounded by nurses and doctors at all minutes of the day, to being completely back on my own again. But, I'm starting to get used to it again.

I've started getting to know some of the people in my environmental therapeutic team.

There's one in particular I'm starting to get good contact with. Apparently, she's struggled with self harm etc. before as well.

It's not nice that it's the case, but in a way, I feel good about having someone who's been on both sides. She's only 3-4 years older than me, and has actually already suggested that we could do things in our spare time as well, like for example walk the dogs or watch movies. 

She did suggest a support contact, covered by the county.

Basically someone who's being payed for being my friend and hanging out with me lol. But when it comes to expenses like gas, and cinema etc, that's stuff I have to pay for...

I'm not so sure about it though. Maybe sometime in the future, idk. But, not at this moment.

I've been struggling with the weight gain after I started with the seroquel medication. I've made a meal plan. I know it might be a dumb idea but, hopefully it works and helps me lose weight without diving back into bingeing and purging all day like I used to.

I'm eating 1000 Kcal every day, except Saturday, when I'll be able to eat 1700.

I really hope it works, and that I haven't permanently truly destroyed my metabolism. 

A few days ago I self harmed again in the shower. Bleed a lot.

I'm already anemic from earlier incidents. So, I fainted when I stood up and got out. Messy. I don't even know how I managed to, but I actually did get my arse off of the couch that day and actually did some cleaning. Even after all that, so, that was an achievement I suppose?

I was also at the dentist today.

I swear to got I was convinced that I had both holes and acid damage. But, I was positively surprised to find out that I actually didn't?? My teeth looks fine, even after periods of 2-7 purge sessions a day. So, seems like I did right in overdosing on fluorine, not brushing my teeth after purging, and staying clear of acidic drinks and foods.